The Evil Sun

The sun, glowing warm yellow giant hanging in the sky, warming our earth, feeding our crops, creating a wealth of solar energy.

The sun in our best friend, right? WRONG The sun is literally trying to kill us all.

Evil sun beams travel 92.96 million miles to come down and drop kick your skin in the face. Can you think of someone you would travel 92.96 million miles (4.4 light years) just to burn? We didn’t think so. That’s how much the sun hates you.

On top of the nasty radiation the sun uses to give you red, dry, even cancerous marks, it uses the lure of gorgeous tanned skin to trick you into venturing into its murderous rays without the protection of our only weapon, sunscreen.

” but I want to be tan! “ you say, well love it’s not 1990 science has created stuff you put on your skin and get tan without letting the sun get it’s fiery tendrils of death on your skin cells.

” but I don’t want to be orange! “ you cry, where have you been living the last 30 years? With the penguins in Antarctica? (Those little guys rock though, say hi to Russell for us) fake tan doesn’t make you orange.

So don’t give the sun the satisfaction.
Wear fake tan and sunscreen and revel in your victory.
B.tan, but don’t let the sun win